I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
