They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
