WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
