he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
