Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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