Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
