I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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