On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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