dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
