My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
