There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
