just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
