I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
