So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
