Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
