I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
