Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
