You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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