i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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