hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
