remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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