Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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