o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How's work?
Spinning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
