you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
