I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
