We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
