oh god the rape fog is back!
My cat gives me a boner
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
