i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
