There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
