So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
