heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
