Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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