and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
