so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
