I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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