Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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