so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
