My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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