why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
