3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
