This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
ttyl tear gas
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
