If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
