If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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