Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
