I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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