i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
