Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
