So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
