I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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