No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
