I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
