Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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