Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
