Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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