Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
