Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
