dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
