I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
