Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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