hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
