i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
