actually, I'm a sock model
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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