please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
