The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
