If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
