The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
